As I enter the next phase of my life as a college student in remission, my MO has changed from cancer warrior to cancer survivor. While battling cancer, like many others, everything took a back seat. Because of treatments and the lingering threat of Covid with a compromised immune system, my last three years of school have been online. Now that I’m back in the classroom for my second semester at Hofstra University, I have a newfound appreciation for actually going to school and interacting with people.
Part of my new normal is accepting the damage my tumors had on certain functions of my brain. After going through several hours of evaluations with a neuro psychiatrist, I was told I may have a difficult time retaining information; this is a well-documented “side effect” of brain cancer. I hope this will be short term and that the lasting effects of the tumors, chemo, and radiation will lessen as time goes on.
At first, I was nervous. Waking up early, driving to school alone, scheduling my medications, keeping track of how many waters to drink so I don’t get dehydrated, and figuring out a new campus is a tall order, and all this while trying to adjust to a new normal.
Before starting college, I met with my advisor to discuss eligibility for extra time on tests. For this to happen, I needed to request participation from my professors. At first, this was a challenge. I needed to ask my professors to deviate from their normal class schedule to make accommodations for me. I know it’s a lot to ask, yet not one of them ever complained. These resources don’t come automatically, and I must always keep track of upcoming exams and make sure proper forms are filled out ahead of time. Eventually, I hope that I won’t need extra time and will be able to take exams like the rest of my class, but while I’m still recovering these accommodations are definitely helping me keep up. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in this short amount of time, and I know I am only getting stronger.
Meeting new people has never been a problem for me; I’m very outgoing. Even though my hair still hasn’t grown all the way back and I look like I’m losing my hair instead regaining it, I’m still as confident as ever. All my friends from home know what I went through. They knew me before I had cancer, so I never had to explain. I don’t go around telling every new person I meet I had cancer, but it’s a big part of me. If I am going to connect with someone, they need to know, but I try to keep things simple. A “non-germinoma brain cell tumor in my pituitary and frontal lobe” is a mouthful, but most people can understand “brain cancer” without pre-med classes. I tell them that it damaged some normal functions: I need to drink a ton of water and take lots of medications, injections, and bathroom breaks. This way if I’m hanging out or in a class group, I don’t need to be self-conscious about excusing myself. I try to not make it noticeable when I need to take my meds. I wear a necklace with a capsule encasing my medications. When the time comes, I unscrew and pop the pills with some water. I’ve only been caught taking my meds once, but I felt more respected than exposed.
As I embark onto this new chapter in my life, I constantly remind myself to “Be yourself and be proud of the fact that you are different.” I am also not afraid to ask for help when I need it – there is no shame in admitting what I have been through, it was not my fault or anyone else’s. Moving forward with my life after cancer must start somewhere. I am just taking things one step at a time and enjoying the journey. I am a survivor, and every day is a gift.