No one’s cancer journey is the same. Each cancer is vastly different from the next, making it hard to give advice that applies to every cancer patient. The biggest similarity across all cases is that cancer is a battle, and it’s one that can be won or lost. Below are some lessons that I’ve learned throughout my own battle, both in treatment and afterwards.
Being “normal” after cancer
Between my brain cancer diagnosis followed by the Covid-19 pandemic towards the end of my treatment, I had to confine myself to only seeing those closest to me for years. I was diagnosed right as I was starting my junior year of high school. By the time my immune system and the world at large reached a safer place for me to go out again, I was getting ready to start my freshman year at college. I was always a very social kid, but getting used to in-person interaction again came with unexpected mental fatigue.
I struggled (and still do) to walk right back into the real world. The nervous feelings that come with leaving home and getting into a new routine are undeniable. My hair is still growing back, and I’m trying to start exercising regularly. Everyone has a mental picture of a cancer patient as rail-thin and bedridden, but throughout my treatment I put on a few pounds. Of course, getting back into the normal world after cancer comes with completely new things like talking about cancer with those who haven’t faced it.
Life feels much shorter after cancer. It scares me. It’s hard to keep all your friends after a sickness like that; suddenly it becomes impossible to keep up with everything you used to be able to do. On top of the physical changes, it was hard to relate to people my age. When at 18, I have seen firsthand how fragile life is. Then again, my new normal is much more than the normal I knew before cancer. My “regular day” now has a sense of precious urgency, a feeling that life should be treasured, enjoyed, not taken too seriously and yet cautiously, maybe reverently. Time will never feel the same.
Accepting yourself after cancer
I have scars, thin hair, discolored skin, sensitive areas, the list goes on. I look completely different now than I did before cancer, and these changes have brought a lot of insecurities with them. Anxiety comes from more than just appearance; there’s the awkwardness or the accidental “slip” when it comes to cancer jokes that I used to laugh along with. There’s usually no harm intended, and usually humor helps me deal with everything, but there are some parts of my experience that I don’t want to think about. Most friends are aware of how I feel when they speak around me, though sometimes even little things can get under my skin. It doesn’t take bad intentions for something to land the wrong way.
I personally love sharing the stories of my treatment and my life in general. It’s pretty easy to figure out that I’ve been sick, so I find it easier to lean into it rather than pretend otherwise. These stories also give someone a grasp of who I am. Beating cancer was the single hardest thing I’ve done in my life, and that journey is something I’m proud to share. It’s not always so easy for people who don’t have experience with cancer to hear about it, though, and sometimes some things are better left unsaid. Understanding if I’m comfortable sharing this important fact about myself or they don’t need to know. Questioning if they get grossed out or disgusted by the stories. Rather than make me feel indifferent, it’s nice when people are empathetic and understanding of my situation. After cancer and treatment, even the physical parts of your being are different.
It’s ok to have a bad day
The truth is that each cancer fighter’s experience will be incredibly different. I am so grateful for the support of my family and friends, but there are some things they just can’t understand. And that’s okay. The fact that we are talking more about the struggles after cancer is a very good sign to me; survival is up, and people are looking to live well after cancer. So, don’t be afraid to talk about it, don’t be afraid to reach out. There are people who want to help you – all you have to do is ask, it’s ok.